Maleficent Awakens

For years, my friend from graduate school has likened me to the antagonist in Sleeping Beauty, Maleficent.

"A forest of thorns shall be his tomb! Borne through the skies on a fog of doom! Now go with the curse, and serve me well! 'Round Stefan's castle, CAST MY SPELL!" Oh sorry, I just had to throw out some spells really fast.

Literally, when I take one of those "Which evil Disney character are you?" I end up getting Maleficent, and I don't even try. When I take it again, I get Ursula most times, but who wants to be Ursula? All those tentacles to get in the way, and Flotsam and Jetsam? Too much.

Anyway, my evil Disney kindred spirit is Maleficent. I've wanted to be her for Halloween for years, but I haven't because I always waited too late, and haven't had time to make my own costume. I'd actually planned this year, and I was on pace to make the costume this year until I couldn't find anyone who had a sewing machine I could borrow. So disappointing.

I sucked it up this afternoon and went a purchased a Maleficent costume from Spirit Halloween. I'm so mad at myself for not having a sewing machine right now! Next big purchase is a darn sewing machine! I mean, I live in the country now. I can make my own clothes and become "Greensboro Chic", right? Just wait, I'll be trending soon! #greensborochic

Well, that's my DIY Maleficence story. Total bummer. On the bright side, I do have another little entertaining story from last night to tell.

Ok, I've mentioned I live on a farm with about 280 acres a little outside of town. What you don't know is that I used to live smack dab in the middle of Birmingham, and I'm totally used to city noises. By city noises I mean, sirens and screeching tires.

Well, last night, while I was posting my first post for this blog, I hear sirens and screeching tires, which really doesn't phase me until I stop and think about it. "Wait, I'm in the country, I shouldn't be hearing these noises." I shrug it off, and go back to what I am doing thinking, "Someone must have gotten into an accident on the highway."

Fast forward to 11 pm while I'm watching Criminal Minds, I get a text from my husband. Oh, I probably should mention, he works nights, so I'm all alone on the farm at night.

His text says, "Hey". I respond, "Hey". Then he proceeds to tell me that there was a high speed chase on the highway beside the farm, and that the driver crashed, escaped, and is on foot.

Quick side, note. He NEVER locks the doors if he is here alone. He thinks he is safe.

Anyway, back to the story. He then proceeds to tell me to lock the doors if they aren't already. He knows me well because I always lock the doors. Except for last night.

Keep in mind, I'm watching CRIMINAL MINDS, the doors are unlocked, and there is a fugitive on the loose. I don't think I've EVER gotten up so fast to check the locks on the doors in my life. I find them unlocked, and immediately lock all the doors. I then proceed to start shaking. I check my shotgun, and I get back in bed and try to calm down. I succeed until the band of coyotes started screaming their nightmarish lullaby to me at midnight.

Needless to say, I didn't get much sleep last night, and I can't wait until I get a rifle so the coyote lullaby will stop.

And before any of you say, "Oh that's so cruel!" The coyotes kill the calves in the pasture, and that is evil. If you are still on the coyotes side, please come stay a night with me and I'll put you in the pasture with them. And this is why my friend calls me Maleficent . . .

"You poor, simple fools. Thinking you could defeat me. Me! The mistress of all evil!" ~ Maleficent