There's a black fly in your Chardonnay

Ok, so it wasn't exactly Chardonnay, nor was it ironic, but it was a black fly in my wine glass.

Talk about a shitty ending to a shitty day. All I wanted was to sit in bed, finish Part 2 of the Halloween blog post, and sip on my wine peacefully. Did that happen? No, a damn fly decided he wanted to commit suicide in MY WINE.

Luckily, I had some more wine, but still. The fly made me get up, and get another glass. Selfish, suicidal fly.

I would tell you all the details of my poop emoji day, but I'll have to wait until tomorrow. Tonight we focus on flies.

Flies are disgusting. Wouldn't you know after my kamikaze fly last night, they all gather together today in my kitchen today for revenge!

Let me tell this from the beginning. I got up, got ready and walked out the door. Apparently, I didn't shut the backdoor completely because it was cracked when I got home (BTW, The Hubs was home asleep, so it isn't like I just left the house completely unattended). In the past, this wouldn't have been a problem, but the dogs have been conspiring with the flies to break the bottom of the screen door so they can get into the kitchen when the main door is cracked.

Above is Gatsby's look of, "Who me? Conspiring? Nah!"

Apparently, the flies said they would only bother the cattle if Gatsby and Layla, the blue heeler, would just break the bottom panel of the screen door. Their plan coalesced today when the bottom of the screen door was pushed out. The flies then finished cracking the kitchen door open with their fluttering shitfilled wings and glided into my kitchen. I walked in and it was like the storming of Normandy . . . except with FLIES!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Of course I am on the phone with Rudder, and I start screaming. I put her on speaker phone, grab the fly swatter and go at it. She hears the murder of a few flies, as I narrate what I am doing. I decide this isn't working. There are just too many. I decide to grab the window fly traps my mom gave me the other day, and I apply them to the windows and wait. Nothing. Finally, I find the electric fly swatter, and I start to swat at flies. Keep in mind, I'm still on speaker listening and talking to Rudder, and then I hit a fly with the electric swatter.

ZAP! I scream because I wasn't actually expecting to hit one! Rudder screams, "OMGAH what is going on over there?!?!?!" Me: "I just zapped a fly with the electric zapper!" Her: "That was loud!" Me: "I know!"

Note the dead fly in the wires.

As I'm trying to zap away at the flies, they are also beginning to stick to the window traps trying to escape me. I have set the perfect trap for them. They must all die. After about 10 minutes, I've gotten all but 4, and I feel much better.

This was just one trap, and before I felt satisfied. There were at least 30 flies.

Let this be a warning to all the little maggots out there who think they can attack this house. You. Will. Die.

Now, I retire to the den with a glass of wine, and no black flies in my chardonnay.